My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
