these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
