Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
