If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
