All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
