You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
