I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You left your phone here
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