I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
