The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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