some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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