I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
