I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My pussy is not your playground.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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