Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
