Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
