You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
