why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
