I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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