my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
