she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
there's paper in my vomit.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
