I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
