Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
