I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
