so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
