then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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