why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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