I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
