remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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