trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
