i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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