dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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