Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
