he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
