just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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