If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
