WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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