I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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