is your mom at the bar?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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