Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
