I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
