I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
