Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
