remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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