Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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