Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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