We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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