I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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