WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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