Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
