forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
