the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
