watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
