I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
50% drunk capacity currently
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
