are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
