He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
