i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
